#16 - Bids of Love

Hi! Here is your Heroic Wisdom for the week. 

One of the main ideas from our Heroic wisdom is that we need to be committed to living by our virtues- Areté-  moment to moment to moment. 

I talked about this idea in TwT #5- Every Day is Thanksgiving Day, and I am thinking about it again as we approach Valentine's Day. Then I was talking about Gratitude. Today I am talking about Love.

Love is a virtue that ancient wisdom and modern science agree that we NEED in order to flourish. If you have been to my workshop, you may remember that it is the ONLY virtue that showed up both in ancient wisdom and modern science. 

LOVE counts twice.

And also remember that a Hero’s secret weapon is… LOVE.

Now, what does that mean?? Is it the Hollywood version of romance that gets our heart pumping and tears flowing?? Or the Shakespearean love of Romeo & Juliet?? 

Nope. 

It’s really just simple everyday acts. “Bids” as Jon Gottman writes in his book The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work.  Jon is the leading researcher on the science of marriages, but this can apply to any relationship.

What are “bids”?

Jon writes, “In marriage, couples are always making what I call ‘bids’ for each other’s attention, affection, humor, or support. Bids can be as minor as asking for a backrub or as significant as seeking help in carrying the burden when an aging parent is ill. The partner responds to each bid either by turning toward the spouse or turning away.”

That one act alone can predict the outcome of a marriage. In fact, his 6- year study of newlyweds showed that those still married after year six responded to bids 86% of the time. 

The ones who divorced? ONLY 33% of the time.

So how do you respond to bids in your relationships… NOT just on Valentine’s Day but moment to moment to moment? 

Let’s turn towards our partners a little bit more… starting today!

Talk soon!

#15 - My Second Mountain

Hi! Theo here for another week of Heroic Wisdom. 

I was recently asked why I started Thursdays with Theo, so I am going to go backwards in time. What follows is my origin story … the quick version.

I’ll take you back to 2022.

After the Covid years, I was looking for other jobs- mowing, fertilizing, anything…I was burnt out.

During that time I came across the book Arete by Brian Johnson (PN here). At the top of the book was a quote from Phil Stutz (Read the PN on Phil’s book The Tools), “This book will change your life. And, if enough of us commit, it will change the world.” 

I was intrigued, and I was open to something new. 

I bought it. I read it. I waited.

Then I did the same thing the next year...2023. The whole time the knowledge from the book was sitting in the back of my mind. Looking back now, the ideas continually tried to claw back to the surface of my brain. 

I finally took action in 2024 when I signed up to become a Heroic Coach and Heroic Workshop Instructor. Luckily, Jim Rohn’s “law of diminishing intent” didn’t take effect by then!

May of 2025 - I was certified. 

While I was going through the final week of training, I had the chance to talk with tons of professionals… doctors of psychology, college professors, mental health workers, and people in many other fields.

I left with NO doubt. The common thread was that HEROIC is THE BEST program because it pulls from ancient wisdom and modern science to give individuals tools and protocols that can be easily followed every single day in ALL aspects of life. For what? To win the ultimate game of life… Eudaimonia. 

Now…for those of you who have attended a workshop, you know that I have Heroicly High Goals. 

My goal is to get this info out to as many students as possible as much as possible. BUT I cannot do it alone. I need as many adults to help, which has led us here together.  

Here is my commitment to you… I will continue to give you Heroic Wisdom and Workshops. I will start to have Heroic Huddles for follow-up discussions and learning. 

ALL in an effort to get HEROIC OS out to students of ALL ages.

Now ask yourself, what are you committed to?

Talk soon!

#14 - What about today?

Hi! Theo here with some more Heroic Wisdom. 

Now that it is the last week in January, I want to revisit the Sanskrit word arambhashura. Remember that it means “hero in the beginning” and that we DON’T want to be an Arambhashura. People from thousands of years ago knew this concept; let’s make sure we know it just as well.

Unfortunately, a quick search would show that around 40% of us have already become an arambhashura. 

I know because I was guilty of it myself many, many times.  

I would be full speed ahead at the beginning of January and then life happened, winter storms hit, kids sports were in full swing, and anything else that could happen, did happen. 

Yet, we need to continue with the goals and targets that we set. Even if you have not hit your targets every day, keep going. Get back on track. Today is a new day!

Here is a recap on how we can avoid being an arambhashura OR how to get back on track.

Start small. Think ONE minute, not thirty minutes. Just get started…again if necessary.

Be clear. Like Carol Dweck said in Mindset, we need to make a concrete plan. When? Where? And how will you hit your target? 

Stay focused. Ask yourself…what is the ONE thing I could start doing that would benefit me most…today? 

Got it? Good! 

Now as Teddy Roosevelt - one of my Heroes - said, “Action, action, and still more action.” 

Why not set your potential in motion - or back in motion - today?!?!.

Let’s go!!

Talk soon!

#13 - Possibility of What May Be

Hi, Theo here with your Heroic Wisdom for the week. 

Like I said last week, I had a birthday a few weeks ago, so I want to stay on the same topic - aging and how it is inevitable… or is it??

Last week we talked about movement vs. exercise from Katy Bowman and Michelle Segar’s OTMs (Opportunities to Move). 

Today I want to discuss Dr. Ellen Langer’s exploration of what may be and the psychology of possibility from her book Counterclockwise. (Read the PN on Counterclockwise here.) Just the fact that Dr. Langer doesn’t focus on what is but what may be is fascinating to me. 

You may have heard about her experiment on reminiscing. In the study, she had a group of 70-80 year olds go to a retreat where EVERYTHING was set up like it was 1959. The participants were told to talk like they were in 1959. 

What happened??

Outside observers with no knowledge of the experiment compared photos before and after - only ONE week later. Yup…you guessed it. ALL of the participants looked younger. AND there were improvements in mobility, height, weight, and posture. Height…really?!?!🤯

The crazy part!?!?

There was no fitness program. There was no nutrition program. It was just talking AS IF they were young again. 

That’s the power of our brain and what it can do in just ONE week.  

We can NOT always explain why or how things happen, but we need to know that they can and do happen.

The question is how are you using the power of your brain? I hope you are using it to stay young.

That's the psychology of possibility and our Heroic wisdom for the week.

Talk soon!

#12 - A Paradox for the Ages

Hi, this is Theo with your Heroic wisdom for the week. 

I have been meaning to write on the idea of aging for a while now. I have pushed it to the back of my mind. I recently had a birthday, and it popped back into my mind. 

Here’s the background…

I was jogging down the boardwalk in Atlantic City before my son Bryce was out of bed. His soccer team qualified for Nationals, so we were there for a few days.

Anyway, I was jogging along and I saw a gentleman slowly walking towards me with a cane. As I got closer, he stopped, turned towards me and blurted out, “Never get old!”

Me being me…I just smiled as I jogged by. Then the wheels started turning.

Was he telling me? Or was he telling himself? He didn’t look that old. 

After reflecting on it for the rest of my jog, I came to the conclusion that it is another one of those paradoxes of life. 

The one where as you get old you stop moving, but if you keep moving then you won’t get old.  

Believe it or not…I hear “I’m getting too old” from high school students all of the time. My classroom is at the top of a stairwell, and I hear students huffing and puffing…😬

The important thing is that we need to move. 

As Katy Bowman writes in Move Your DNA , humans are designed to move. Katy also makes it clear that “exercise is movement, but movement is not always exercise.”

Which brings to mind the idea from Michelle Segar in No Sweat, look for “opportunities to move” aka…OTMs. Taking out the trash, walking to the store, cleaning the house, playing with the kids are all OTMs. Just do it mindfully. 

The question is…how can you move more today and tomorrow and the next day and keep old age at bay?

That’s all for this week.

Talk soon!

#11 - Who do you show up for?

Hi! Theo here with some more Heroic wisdom for you.

I was recently talking with someone who is familiar with Heroic and Brian Johnson, founder and philosopher of Heroic. 

This person found the Heroic message very inspiring, yet felt like it wasn’t for the everyday working mom, dad or person in general. 

The main question they had was how can someone work all day, then come home to take care of the family, then find time to hit their individual targets???

They felt it would be selfish to take care of themselves and not the family. 

After reflecting on the conversation, there are hundreds of different ways to respond. However, I keep coming back to one main point…

We have to love ourselves first…Love 0.0…in order to show up, care for or protect others. 

Brian Johnson and Barbra Fredrickson, author of Love 2.0, would agree.  Ayn Rand adds- in order to say “I love you” to someone else, you have to be able to say “I” first. 

Also, our Energy, Work, and Love identities, virtues, and targets don’t have to be about ourselves. They can be about how you want to show up for others…

For instance, my Love identity…Great Wingman…is not about me. But in order for me to be a Great Wingman, I have to be able and ready to show up for others in my life. 

And remember the word hero means protector…they have to have the strength for TWO. 

The hero’s secret weapon?? Love

Who will you show up for today? And if you don’t…who will??

That’s all for this week.

Talk soon!

#10 - Don’t a Arambhashura

Happy New Year!!

Here’s your Heroic wisdom for the first day of 2026!

I learned a new word not too long ago…Arambhashura. A word from ancient Sanskrit that means “hero in the beginning”. 

The basic idea behind it is that when we make goals and targets - aka resolutions - we can’t just be all in at the beginning. We have to keep going no matter what gets in our way. They knew that thousands of years ago, yet most of us still fail to follow through.

What can you do to ensure you are not just another Arambhashura?

Start small. Don’t go all out at the beginning. You will get overwhelmed. Think one minute, not thirty. 

Be clear. As Brian Tracy tells us in Goals!, “Cut through the fog.” Be clear and specific with your goals. EX. - I will take 7000 steps per day. 

Stay focused. You don’t want too many goals at once. You don’t need to change everything at once. Think 1% better on one target. (Read the PN on One Percent Better by Brian Cain)

Always think consistency, not intensity. 

And most importantly just get started. Remember the Law of Diminishing Intent. The time is now. 

Day #1! Let’s go! 

Talk soon!

#9 - The Gift

Hi everyone! 

Theo here with your Heroic wisdom for this Christmas day. 

Today let’s talk about a gift. Not the gift found under a tree, but the gift we can find within ourselves. 

The GIFT that we ALL have is the adaptability of our brain and body.

Anders Ericsson, a scientist focused on expert performance with over thirty years of research, tells us in his great book Peak that the only difference between world-class performers and the rest of humans is how elite performers use their gift. 

Really it comes down to the idea I talked about in TWT #1…get out of your comfort zone. The best of the best in ANY field consistently do this KNOWING that their mind and body WILL adapt. 

For all the science teachers out there, think of homeostasis…a system's ability to maintain stability. When the system is not stable, it tries to fix itself as quickly as possible. 

Here’s the cool part…EVEN IF getting back to stability means creating more muscle or new pathways in the brain. 

I tend to think of athletes and leaders, but it is also artists like Leonardo da Vinci, who was CONSTANTLY trying to perfect his craft…even the Mona Lisa was never complete in his mind. 

Or the beatboxer Wing. Check this guy out. Amazing what a human can do! Remember Ericsson says, "[Our] upper limits are unknown and unknowable."

Anyway…the question is…what gift do you have? Are you using it?

Awesome!  

If not, today's a good day to start! Let’s go!!

Happy Holidays!

Talk soon!

#8 - The Law of Diminishing Intent

Hi, Theo here again with your weekly Heroic wisdom. 

Last week I mentioned the idea that “Speed is a force”  from Phil Stutz (Read the PN on his book The Tools) when I was planning the Heroic Workshop on Jan 10, 2026 at 1 pm.

This same idea is also discussed in the book Leading an Inspired Life by Jim Rohn. 

Rohn calls it “The Law of Diminishing Intent”.

The basic idea is that we have to act quickly when we have a great idea or inspiration to do something. In fact, Rohn says we NEED to act when “emotions are high and the idea is strong, clear, and powerful.”

The longer we wait to take action the less likely it is that we will follow through and make things happen. 

This is why I took action and planned the Heroic Workshop WITHOUT a venue. I knew that if I waited to find a venue it could have taken days…and I would be that much less likely to actually make that workshop happen.

I took action and kept the momentum going forward. 

Another way to look at it is…why wait?? Why let another day go by? We don’t get those days back.

So…. What will you do next time you have a big idea or are inspired to do something?

Will you let your intent diminish or keep it moving forward?

I say keep moving forward. Let’s go!

Talk soon!

#7- Facing obstacles? Perfect!

Hi, Theo here with your weekly Heroic wisdom. 

This week Nassim Taleb and his idea about being antifragile have been on my mind.

In short…  What do you say when life inevitably throws an obstacle your way? 

Are you fragile and break apart? Resilient so you bounce back...but could eventually break? Or ANTIfragile? 

Hopefully, Antifragile. 

This just happened to me the other day. I was planning for my Jan. 10th Heroic Workshop and was told that I couldn't use the district's facilities due to the deliberative session. 

To be honest…I planned the workshop without a venue because as Phil Stutz says, “Speed is a force.” More on that later. 

Anyhow, I could have become upset and just canceled before people signed-up. OR I could have changed the day. This would be fragile or resilient.

Both were not an option, so how did I respond??

 “No problem. I will find a different venue. Thank you!” 

Knowing about the idea of pathways that Charles R. Snyder talks about in The Psychology of Hope (read more here), I went and found all sorts of other venues and made connections at each. Now I have multiple pathways. Awesome! 

Use the obstacle to your advantage. 

That is antifragile! 

Talk soon!

#6 - The Dotted Line

Hello. Theo Selby here with your weekly Heroic Wisdom. 

I recently had the pleasure of attending a funeral for my wife’s grandmother Dorothy aka Dot.

Dot lived 98 wonderful years…just a few weeks shy of 99. Wow! Imagine all of the events that she lived through! 

Plus her family consists of 9 children, 28 grandchildren, and 57 great grandchildren…🤯🤯! 

The really amazing thing about Dot, and our wisdom for the week, is how she lived by her virtues. 

I heard countless stories at the funeral…all were about how she ALWAYS lived with Discipline, Love, Courage, Gratitude, and Curiosity. 

Her commitment to her virtues lead to her lasting legacy that will be carried on for generations. 

This reminds me of the Philosopher Note on The Road to Character by David Brooks in which David discusses resume virtues vs. eulogy virtues. The idea of being successful in the job market vs. what hundreds of people would say about you at your funeral and which to embody.  

The question is…

What virtues do you live by? What will family and friends say about you at your funeral? What will your legacy be?

And are you committed to those virtues like Dot?

If not, it is never too late to start.

Talk soon!

#5 - Every Day is Thanksgiving Day

Theo here with your Thanksgiving Day Heroic wisdom.

I love Thanksgiving! The family, the food, the time to stop and give thanks are all amazing!

I only wish that it was EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. 

We have to remember that Gratitude is a virtue that that we NEED in order to flourish. 

Not one day a year, but moment to moment to moment. 

In fact the science is unequivocal…write down FIVE things that you are grateful for ONCE a week and you will increase your happiness by 25%. 🤯

You can read more in the Philosopher's Note Thanks by Robert Emmons. It’s filled with tons of gems on Gratitude.

Robert also makes the point that it is impossible to be GRATEFUL and have a negative thought at the same time… try it. It can’t happen. 

So on this Thanksgiving Day…let's give thanks for GRATITUDE and how it helps us flourish, write five things you are grateful for, and if a negative thought enters your mind, find something, anything that you are grateful for!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Talk soon!

#4 - Trapped by Feelings

Hi again! Theo here with our weekly wisdom from Heroic.

I first want to thank everyone for continuing to share how you are STILL hitting your targets from our workshop!! That’s like you! Keep going! 💪🔥🔥

I also want to thank everyone who has shared with me the impact Heroic training has had on the soccer boys within school. 

Thank you to all! Let’s all keep the fire going!

This week I struggled deciding what wisdom to share. Not because I didn’t have anything…but because there is SO much to share. I decided to continue to focus on the power of identity and how feelings sometimes get in our way. I just happened to read a Philosopher Note on Constructive Living by David Reynolds (access it here for more), and it fit right into our wisdom from last week. 

In the book, David tells us that we can’t change our feelings BUT we can influence feelings by our behaviors…aka actions.

We know how important identity is from last week, but if you are like me…and every other human ever…sometimes we just don’t FEEL like doing something. 

I don’t feel like getting up to exercise every morning, yet I do. And I most certainly FEEL better afterwards. 

Always. 

As another example, if you want to be a Professional Musician (ID), yet you only practice (action) when you feel like it, will you ever become a professional?? Perhaps. 

But if you hit your target of practicing Every. Single. Day. no matter how you feel. Will you become a professional? Much more likely…the odds will be in your favor. 

Reminds me of the Dale Carnegie quote… “Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit at home and think of it. Go out and get busy.”

The same goes with feelings. We have to “get busy” and our feelings will follow. 

So remember Identity, Behavior, and then Feeling. In that order.

Talk soon!

#3 - The Power of Identity

Hi, it’s that time of the week for our Heroic wisdom.

First though, I again have to send out a HUGE Congratulations to the Boys Soccer team for finishing the season in the Championship match. Even though we did not pull off the win, it is a great accomplishment for the team. Win or learn. 

Now it is time to learn.

Part of what got the team to that point was that we KNEW our identity since September 10th, we KNEW what actions we had to take to live up to that identity, and we KNEW the virtues we had to embody in order to get us to that final match. 

A little background on it all, back in june we worked on our individual identities and talked about them throughout the summer. This offseason work by individuals proved to be priceless, and we will continue discussing this idea…think 1% better each day. Thank you, Brian Cain! (read the PN on One Percent Better) 

BUT…then the season rolled out and we found ourselves 3-0. But one of those games was far from our best.

Then the next game was also not our best, which we pulled off a tie in the final minutes. PHEW…😬

 After a lot of reflection on what was happening, we knew we would not reach our goals if we continued down that path. 

We then had a mini-workshop…this time it was focused on our identity as a TEAM. Who were we? Who did we want to be? 

We wanted to be DIII State Champions… so that became our TEAM identity on 9/10. 

And we never looked back. 

That’s our wisdom for today. We are a rudderless sailboat without an identity. 

We ALL need to KNOW our identity. 

Who do we want to be? How do we want to be remembered? 

And then never look back by embodying the virtues that our identity requires of us and taking the action necessary to live up to that identity. 

Talk soon!

#2 - The Verb Balancing

Hi, it's Theo with your weekly dose of Heroic wisdom. 

This week I have to start with a HUGE shout out to the Boys Soccer team, who overcame a 1-0 deficit and won 2-1! WOW! 🔥🔥🔥

They advanced to the Championship match on Sat. 11/8 at Bedford HS with kickoff at 5:15 pm. Hope to see you all there!

I also have to pull our Heroic wisdom for this week from that match. 

We have been talking as a team all season about the ability to get back in balance. Needless to say, we have been thrown off balance many times. It is expected. 

Before the game last night, the team knew that it would happen again. 

SO…when the other team scored at the beginning of the second half, did they panic? Nope. Did they yell at each other? Nope.

They came together as a team, flipped-the-switch, and said “WE GOT THIS!” Then they got back to work.

We ALL have to remember that we will get knocked down and things will NOT go easy for us…think P.U.C. (Pain, Uncertainty, and Constant hard work)...again from Phil Stutz. Or my favorite P.U.H.

What we have to do is get back in balance…as quickly as possible. 

In The Book of Understanding, Oshho explains that we need to think of it as a verb and not a noun - balancing not balance. 

Life is a constant balancing act. We may strive to get balanced and be comfortable. But just like the game last night, life will forever go back and forth.

And, even better, we get stronger from getting knocked down, which we have also done throughout the season. That’s what it means to be ANTIFRAGILE. 

That’s our wisdom for the week. 

WHEN you feel unbalanced, flip-the-switch, say “I got this,” and take action. That is how we get from where we are to where we WANT to be.

Talk soon!

#1 - The Fear Paradox

My in-laws were in town last night for the soccer game...which was a great team effort by the boys! Let's GOOO!

Anyway, the in-laws were asking me about Heroic and how the tools can help anyone at any age find direction and clarity, which they said is just about every human ever...

I reflected on that and said I really can't imagine where I would be if I had started Heroic in high school or even sooner. The idea of closing the gap from where I am to where I could be...just by getting out of my comfort zone and hitting my targets?!?!?!

Then I reflected on that idea and realized it is a paradox...

We don't leave our comfort zone BECAUSE of fear, anxiety, discomfort...

We have fear, anxiety, discomfort because we don't do what we KNOW is important for our future self. 

Think W.I.N. (What's Important Now), which builds intense trust in ourselves - where our confidence comes from. 

And the reverse indicators we talked about during the workshop. A gem from Phil Stutz where he says - use the icky moments as green lights to move forward.

We need to say - "BRING IT ON!" with a little smile. 

IF we can do this, we can close the gap and reach our potential. 

Talking about potential, I always share the wisdom from Anders Ericsson in Peak. He tells us...

"[Our] upper limits are unknown and unknowable."

We can only keep moving forward in order to close the gap.

Wow...if only I had all that wisdom in high school.

So what might you say next time you are feeling a bit icky?

Talk soon!