#16 - Bids of Love

Hi! Here is your Heroic Wisdom for the week. 

One of the main ideas from our Heroic wisdom is that we need to be committed to living by our virtues- Areté-  moment to moment to moment. 

I talked about this idea in TwT #5- Every Day is Thanksgiving Day, and I am thinking about it again as we approach Valentine's Day. Then I was talking about Gratitude. Today I am talking about Love.

Love is a virtue that ancient wisdom and modern science agree that we NEED in order to flourish. If you have been to my workshop, you may remember that it is the ONLY virtue that showed up both in ancient wisdom and modern science. 

LOVE counts twice.

And also remember that a Hero’s secret weapon is… LOVE.

Now, what does that mean?? Is it the Hollywood version of romance that gets our heart pumping and tears flowing?? Or the Shakespearean love of Romeo & Juliet?? 

Nope. 

It’s really just simple everyday acts. “Bids” as Jon Gottman writes in his book The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work.  Jon is the leading researcher on the science of marriages, but this can apply to any relationship.

What are “bids”?

Jon writes, “In marriage, couples are always making what I call ‘bids’ for each other’s attention, affection, humor, or support. Bids can be as minor as asking for a backrub or as significant as seeking help in carrying the burden when an aging parent is ill. The partner responds to each bid either by turning toward the spouse or turning away.”

That one act alone can predict the outcome of a marriage. In fact, his 6- year study of newlyweds showed that those still married after year six responded to bids 86% of the time. 

The ones who divorced? ONLY 33% of the time.

So how do you respond to bids in your relationships… NOT just on Valentine’s Day but moment to moment to moment? 

Let’s turn towards our partners a little bit more… starting today!

Talk soon!